A dream

Today's dream was somewhat horrifying, a little disturbing, quite confusing but yet partially pertinent to my current state of affairs, or may be that is how I perceive it.

I was in a different city or perhaps in a different dimension, may be transferred to some other time and in some other place. I had different ethnic people around me, who were probably chinese and really immersed in their work life and disinterested in adventures.

I had the ability to fly but I could not attain perfection in it. I was a terrible amateur at this god-gifted skill, which I could appreciate but other would not even care about. I was exhausted by trying to get over my fear of heights and to master this unique talent. But the main problem was that I was not able to control when will I fly and when would I stay at the ground. Perhaps I needed to focus, to meditate and to fully concentrate on what goes on inside me that allows me to fly. I was lacking that focus, self-confidence and determination to exploit my potential. Simultaneously, everyone else in the dream was deprived of this ability but I was astonished over the fact that I could not witness any expression of surprise on anyone's face who saw me flying or suddenly being carried away from the ground. They would just feel sorry for me for having to deal with this abnormality and then continue with their daily routine as I lifted away in air. Yet with all this difficulty, I remember having an agenda in the dream and that I knew how important it is for me to fulfill it but I have this necessary hindrance of being able to cope with this abnormality of involuntary flying in my way that doesn't let me carry on with my goal.

I was walking through the streets and suddenly I felt that I will lose connection with the ground or, to put it differently, the gravity was about to defy me. I had a disturbing and unpleasant feeling because I knew that once I leave the surface, I would have no control over when and how to come back. One point was clear in my mind that I will definitely land back, but only when the force of gravity suddenly overpowers my defiance and then I'll be forced to the ground with an accelerated fall. This is my misery and it happens to me daily leaving me injured or bruised as I brutally hit the ground. As I see myself from the third person's perspective in the dream, I feel like crying over my state but I can't help it at all.

And as I was about to be lifted and was once again overwhelmed with the fear, someone whose voice seemed pacifying to my ears shouted that your father's telegram has arrived. It was that moment when I had left the ground for the sky while the man continued to read my dad's words "baita, we are all worried about you here, please come back to us," that I lost my emotional strength. And what can a helpless man who is feeling the defeat in his mission do when these melodious words of courage, hope and enormous faith, strike his eardrums: just cry in desperation. And this is what I did, I cry with open heart and closed eyes as the gravity once again defies me and I am lifted to my next unknown destiny. (I can't stop crying, but I do not know why!)

After having cried in the air, and being swept away by winds to some other destination, I realize that I am about to fall. And terribly fall, I did near a butcher's shop. The dogs are about to put their filthy teeth over my soft bruised flesh and with all the fear overwhelming my mind, I was suddenly lifted to the skies and continued my assent upwards above all buildings and was again carried away by the winds. I could see the beautiful scenes that nature has built but to enjoy the beauty is not my purpose, it is something far beyond that. I know my mission is important but I cannot recall what it is. I am so helpless and am being carried away in despair...

Perhaps the dream is about my graduate school life away from family with no definite goal of life in sight. But I hope that the reality of the dream is good for all my loved ones.