The Troubling Night

It was a troubling night for me, so distressful that my mind was left with hardly little control over my body. The entire body was in pain and agony, I was suffering from ache and numbness in every joint and muscle. I could not turn while sleeping but yet I could not seek comfort in any posture. And where was the sleep, I couldn't dream but of the thoughts, that I don't have access to the doctor and that I have to pass a number of hurdles to be able to see the doctor. My throat was sore and my temperature was high, my energy was depleted and my morale was down, my stomach was not full and my heart felt empty. I did not need anything and yet I wanted peace and comfort which I couldn't get in any manner. I was alone without anyone's help and the time seemed to be crawling like a turtle with seconds passing in minutes and minutes in hours. I was waiting for the sun to shine back again so that I can sense the beginning of a new morning and perhaps a shine of hope for me, but the night seemed to linger on and on without an end in the sight. I got so tired of lying on the bed that I left it a couple of times over night to walk a few steps before I could not sustain my body's weight and my mind failed to maintain the balance or a sense of coordinate frame and I threw myself back on bed. I did not know what is going on as I did not have a cough, nor did I have an upset stomach, nor a missed dinner or lunch. I was just exhausted with the fast pace of work perhaps. Bad dreams just kept on storming my film of sleepy thoughts. In one case, my friend was assuring me that the doctor will agree to see me if I complete a set of tasks. And I continue to fail in each task as the dream lingers on. But I desperately want to see the doctor because my state of helplessness is frustrating me. I cannot stand and walk because my mind doesn't support it, I cannot lie at one posture because my body parts that are pressing against the bed begins to ache, I cannot help but try to sleep because of the headache that is making my mental state irresistible.

It was a troubling night that showed me how helpless I can suddenly get and despite all the power, I am still so much dependent.